Reflecting on Research - Relationship Satisfaction Among Parents
As a counsellor, I often work with new parents going through the adjustment to parenthood. This period can be exhilarating as well as exhausting, often presenting unexpected challenges to robust relationships. A recent study published in the 'Mindfulness' journal has shed light on crucial factors that influence how new parents navigate this transition.
The research emphasises the importance of mindfulness and emotional awareness in maintaining a positive and healthy relationship during early parenthood. Mindfulness, in this context, (or acceptance and compassion) refers to the practice of acknowledging and accepting one's feelings without judgement. New parents often experience a broad range of emotions - sleep deprivation can increase irritability, whilst constant demands of infant care can be taxing. The study posits that attempting to disregard these emotions may, counterintuitively, exacerbate relationship strain.
Based on the findings and my experience in counselling adults, I offer the following recommendations to new parents:
1. Embrace emotional awareness: Recognise and validate your feelings, whether they be joy, frustration, or anger. These emotions are natural and expected. Engage in open dialogue with your partner about your experiences. Suppressing emotions can lead to the accumulation of resentment and emotional distance.
2. Cultivate mindfulness: Dedicate time, even if brief, to quiet introspection. Focus on your breath and current emotional state. This practice can facilitate healthier emotional processing and enhance overall well-being. There are plenty apps that can guide this, but having moments to yourself without external stimulation can be just as good.
3. Foster open communication: Regularly discuss your needs, expectations, and concerns with your partner. Be proactive in seeking assistance when required. Effective communication is the cornerstone of a resilient relationship. Sometimes, I suggest setting aside regular opportunities to have discussions, which can often be helped by doing it at the same time each week.
4. Prioritise self-care: Amidst the demands of childcare, it is crucial to tend to your own physical and mental health. Adequate rest, nutrition, and exercise are vital for maintaining emotional equilibrium. Research local hobbies or nearby areas to go for walks, and check whether a local gym can provide an appropriate membership to help.
5. Nurture your relationship: Dedicate time to connect with your partner beyond parenting duties. This might involve scheduling regular date nights or engaging in shared interests, even if only for short periods. Keep in mind that the two of you are a couple as well as parents. Ensure the relationship has time dedicated to it, too.
6. Establish a support network: Cultivate relationships with family, friends, or support groups who can offer practical assistance and emotional support. A robust support system can alleviate stress and provide valuable perspectives. It also allows some of the support to be allocated to other people so that the pressure is not on one person.
7. Embrace flexibility: Be prepared to adapt your expectations and routines. Parenthood often requires adjusting pre-existing plans and goals. Acceptance and compassion go a long way to help with dealing with changes. Also, try to reframe the changes from something negative to something useful or positive.
8. Practice patience and self-compassion: I have mentioned it a few times but it is worthy of its own mention. Remember that adapting to parenthood is a gradual process. Be kind to yourself and your partner as you navigate this new chapter.
9. Seek professional guidance: Do not hesitate to contact the services of a qualified counsellor or therapist if you find yourself struggling. Professional support can provide a safe, non-judgmental space to address challenges and develop effective coping strategies.
10. Educate yourself: Attend parenting classes or read trusted resources on child development and parenting strategies. Knowledge can empower you and reduce anxiety about the unknown. It can also help you to realise that you are not alone in your struggles.
Speaking to a counsellor is a sign of strength, not weakness. Counselling can offer numerous benefits, including:
Improved communication skills
Enhanced conflict resolution strategies
Techniques for stress management and emotional regulation
A deeper understanding of relationship dynamics
Tools for maintaining intimacy and connection amidst the demands of parenting
Addressing and challenging unhelpful thinking styles
Remember, the journey of parenthood has joy and challenge. By cultivating mindfulness, maintaining open communication with your partner, and prioritising your emotional well-being, you can forge a robust and supportive relationship capable of withstanding difficulties as new parents. A counsellor can provide helpful tools and ways to shift perspectives so that you can thrive in your new role as parents while nurturing your relationship.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12671-023-02262-w#citeas
Morissette Harvey, F., Paradis, A., Daspe, MÈ. et al. Childhood Trauma and Relationship Satisfaction Among Parents: A Dyadic Perspective on the Role of Mindfulness and Experiential Avoidance. Mindfulness 15, 310–326 (2024). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-023-02262-w
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