Grief Awareness Week - Acknowledging Your Emotions

As a counsellor who has worked with individuals during their grief process, I wanted to speak to (and about) those struggling to understand and honour their emotional experience. Emotional acknowledgement is not about performance or perfection. It is about creating a compassionate internal space where your feelings are welcome, no matter how uncomfortable or contradictory they might seem. Contradictory because there may be a sense of relief alongside a longing for the person to return; contradictory because there may be joy in recalling memories whilst feeling guilty.

Grief is rarely a single, straightforward emotion. It is a kaleidoscope of feelings that can shift within moments: profound sadness might transform into unexpected anger, then dissolve into a momentary sense of peace, only to be followed by guilt. This emotional turbulence is not a sign of weakness, but a natural response to significant loss.

Many of my clients arrive feeling overwhelmed, confused, or ashamed of their emotional experience. They describe their feelings as "wrong" or "inappropriate". But here is a fundamental truth: there are no incorrect emotions in grief. Every feeling is valid, and it is deeply personal to the individual, the relationship, and the process.

Practical Tips for dealing with the loss of a loved one

1. Create a Non-Judgemental Internal Dialogue

Begin by speaking to yourself with the same kindness you would offer a valued friend. When an emotion surfaces, instead of pushing it away, try saying to yourself: "I see you. I hear you. This feeling is important." And allow that process, allow those emotions. Whether they are telling you anything or whether it is simply allowing normal emotional responses. It is often more useful to allow emotional states instead of pushing them away (or judging them).

2. Journaling as Emotional Exploration

In my experience of counselling for bereavement, clients often benefit from creative pursuits to explore and express themselves. Writing can be a powerful tool for emotional acknowledgement. Do not worry about creating a literary masterpiece. Simply allow your thoughts and feelings to flow without worrying about editing it or criticising it. Some days, your journal might contain raw, fragmented emotions. Other days, it might hold a single sentence or even just a word. Consistency in engaging with this process can help make sense of (or alleviate) difficult emotions.

3. Emotional Mapping

Consider creating an emotional map of the grief. Draw a diagram where different emotions can be placed, without hierarchy or judgement. Anger might sit next to tenderness. Grief might coexist with moments of unexpected joy. The goal is to visualise emotions as equally important in the process. You might be surprised what comes up when you allow yourself to engage in a free-flowing exercise, naming and giving space to your emotions.

4. Somatic Awareness

Emotions are not just mental experiences - they live in our bodies. Pay attention to physical sensations. Grief might manifest as a heaviness in the chest, a tightness in the shoulders, or a deep fatigue. Acknowledging these bodily experiences is another form of emotional honesty. If you feel lethargic, work out whether you need to rest or do something physical. If you feel heaviness in your chest, pay attention to it. Be curious what the body signals might be telling you. If your shoulders become tight, consider a massage. Attend to your body and its signals that may help the grief process.

Navigating Challenging Emotions

Some emotions may feel particularly difficult to acknowledge:

• Anger towards the person who died

• Relief after a long illness

• Resentment towards others who seem unaffected

• Moments of happiness that feel like betrayal

These emotions are normal. They do not diminish your love or respect for the person you have lost. They are simply part of your grief experience.

When Emotions Feel Overwhelming

If your emotions feel too intense to process alone, this is not a failure. It is a sign of self-awareness and strength to seek support. Whether through professional counselling, support groups, or trusted friends, sharing your emotional experience can be profoundly healing.

As a counsellor, my role is not to manage (or change) your emotions or to provide a quick resolution. Instead, I aim to create a safe, non-judgmental space where your emotions can be explored, understood, and gradually integrated into your healing journey. They can be carried forward into the next chapter, and may well inform how you interact with the world. They are not emotions to talk about and throw aside.

Acknowledging your emotions is an act of courage. It is a radical form of self-love that honours both your loss and your capacity to feel deeply. Your emotions are not a problem to be solved, but a testament to the profound connection you shared. Grief is not about moving on, but about learning to carry your love in a new way. And that journey begins with a simple, powerful act: acknowledging your emotions, exactly as they are.

Photo by Engin Akyurt: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-sitting-in-front-of-body-of-water-2174625/